LIFTING THE LID ON TOURCHESTER
A case study!
The city of TOURCHESTER stands on the site of an early Roman fortress, and is still regarded as a formidable stronghold today, with its rugged weatherproof exterior, heavy-duty castors, industrial-strength fittings, and a shock-absorbent lining. Just in case!
At the top of the town is the area known as Upper Case, where you will find the Clock Tower with the inscription "It's All Downhill From Here". And indeed it is.
The city is a thriving tourist destination, especially for rock bands, due to the superb local amenities. Highlights include a one-stop-shop which caters for all your touring needs... namely the rather posh "Bish-Bosh-Splish-Splosh-Wosh-Nosh'n'Dosh". Gosh! Here you will find luxurious showers, a cosy laundrette, a restaurant serving delicious hot meals all day and night, and a Western Union Moneygram portal with very favourable exchange rates - all this and much much more, under one roof.
Tourchester has a plethora of venues for rock bands... from the 50,000-seater Marshall Amphitheatre to the Gums 'N Dozes club in the 'old' part of town (strictly no talking while the Bingo's on) every venue provides overnight tourbus parking, 24/7 toilets, and free wifi.
Another facility for touring bands is the pump-trolley service from nearby Merchington, which has brought gaffer tape, WD40, beer, groupies and more, every day for over 100 years.
Heading east towards Lower Case you will come to a splendid shopping parade which is also geared up for touring rock bands. Run out of underpants? The Brief Case will have you feeling fresh in no time. Getting a bit hairy? Indulge in a back-sack-n-crack-wax at The Vanity Case. How about some new bed-linen for your bunk? The Pillow Case has a fine selection. You can top up on all the latest CDs in The Jewel Case, and don't forget to stock up on Sharpies at the Pencil Case. There's also a shop that sells squirrel food, in case you get attacked by one and need to appease the little blighter.
If your band has a day off in Tourchester, there is plenty to do. Why not try your luck at the "Case Hurrah Hurrah" Casino. Enjoy a fillum at the Showcase cinema, and then draw out some more dosh and pop next door for a pint and an All-Day Brunch.
Pssst, here's the AA Man, hiding in a nearby lay-by. His sidecar is full of supplies for alcoholics who wish to remain anonymous. We salute you, Mr. AA Man! Oh, and be careful not to get stuck behind this mighty and magnificent showman's engine on its slow and steady roadtrip to Tourchester Steam Rally. And let's hope it doesn't stop those other essential supplies from getting through! Worst case scenario! Neee norrr neee norrr!
But hey up, what's going on here???? OMG! WTF! BBQ? No, it's Tourchester Tax Office on fire! Smoke and flames are billowing through the roof! Could this be a case of arson? Yes, it's those pesky squirrels arsin' about and gnawing through the electric cables. An open and shut case. Luckily Fireman Sam's already on the case, his trusty hose in his hand, and everything is soon under control. Whew, case closed - and a toast to Fireman Sam!
Blahblahblah, still a long way to go, but in any case it's lookin good so far, yeh? I rest my case.